Falling Back Again
by ShanniC
Summary: Lance thinks about his life with the Brotherhood. Slight Lance/Rogue. Read and review!


Falling Back Again

_**Falling Back Again**_

I watched her fight, and I felt slightly sorry for her. She was outnumbered, and she was in danger. It not's thta I didn't want to help her. We were once acquaintances, even frinds. How can I help her now? So much has happened. I was still the leaders, and leaders don't give up. I had no choice what is done is done. I didn;t want to do what I was about ot do, but still, I was out of options.

"Give up Rogue! You have nowhere to go.." I said my voice gravelly, and low.

"No! I won't! I ain't a quitter! I'm an X-man! Bring it on!" She said bravely.

I stared ta her. God, she was brave. So very brave. I stared at her then. I really looked ta her. She was beautiful. She was also about to become a martyr. I couldn;t do it! I stopped myself. This isn;t going ot happen, not again. Our eyes locked. We stared. It felt like agaes.

"Are we gonna take her or what?" Todd asked me.

"Yea.. Man.. What's up?!" Pietro

I shook my head. I looked at Rogue again. She was hurt, and even I knew it would be wrong to fight her three on one.

"Let her go.. C'mon you guys.." I said turning.

"Dude! She's getting away!!" Todd said to me, hopping in sync with my steps. 

"Bad move man.." Pietro.

Later when I ws in my room alone. I had time to think. I knew I would get heat from Magneto, and Mystique. Everyone involved with us would be angry at me for not taking her on. It was my concisous dammit! I didn't want to really hurt her. Not really. She was an annoying bitch sometimes, but deep dpwn I knew that we had a connection. Some connection. I knew she felt something when our eyes locked. 

I'm tired now. I'm tired of thinking about her, and them, and me. I'm sick of this shit. When will it all be over? Either way, I'm trapped. Try to be good, and you get no results. Try to be bad and you get.. this. I looked around the room, and shook my head. This is what I chose? A life with people thta are depressing. People thta don't give a damn about anyone!

I needed musical intervention. I searched my room for any type of easy listening,a nd was surprised to find a Dave Matthews Band Cd. It was an old one. I couldn't help but smile. Back in the day DMB was it. I turned it on, and let the music play.

  
_Sometimes I feel like I'm falling  
Fall back again, fall back again,  
Fall back again, fall back again   
Oh, life it seems a struggle between  
What we think what we see  
_

I knew I was dangling at the end of my rope. One more major mistake and I was out on my ass. But was it really a mistake? If I had to do it over, I know damn well i would have chosen to say her sorry ass. She'll probably go and tell her friends, and the Prof that I was kind to her. Then they'll assume that I want to be one of them now, or that I have an ulterior plan to get even with them. They should know by now that I don't really give a damna bout any of them. At least not as mucha s they think we do. 

_We_ do. There's an oxymoron. We have never been uniform about anything except our dislike for them. I never knew why Rogue chose to be like them. She'll fall and crumble eventually. She can't be that sugary sweet for long. In fact, I hope she tells them all that I am trying to be good. That'll keep those jerks on their toes!

_I'm not going to change my ways  
Just to please you or appease you  
Inside a crowd, five billion proud  
Willing to punch it out  
Right, wrong, weak, strong  
Ashes to ashes all fall down_  


I know that we all have ot prepare for the fight against humans and mutants. Good against evil. How are we really different? In the end the humans will kill us all for just being different. It's not easy being this way. Magneto tells us that we must be willing ot kill and destroy all those thta want us dead. What the hell does he know?He can't control everything.If it happens it happens. I'd much rather disassociate myself withall of them. It never fazes me that someone is willing ot beat the hell out of me because I have powers.

_Forget about the reasons and  
The treasons we are seeking  
Forget about the notion that  
Our emotions can be swept away  
Forget about being guilty,  
We are innocent instead  
For soon we will all find our lives swept away  
_

The music is making me feel a little better. Even though I don't want ti to, my thoughts drift back to Rogue. I'm tired of her. IShe already has her opinion of me, or at least what she thinks she knows of me. Damn her! I damn her for intriguing me. We've met before, on safer kinder grounds. Think of me then. What do you think of? We both don't want to face what is there. She is stronger willed than I.. But I am am stronger in general. She knows it. 

_Take a look at me, what you see in me,  
Mirror look at me  
Face it all, face it all again Wept away, kept at bay  
Forget about being guilty, i am innocent instead  
For soon we will all find our lives swept away  
_

That was the last time I'll ever save her. She doesn't know it, but I've saved her before. I refuse to be her saving knight. I'm her enemy. We hate each other. that's the way it is, and that's the way it will be. I already know she is expecting it now. How could betray what she already sees in me? I'll lead her on.To hell with her. She is one of the reasons I'm depressed!I thought only girls were supposed to be emotional. Here I am dissecting my everythought. I wish I had never been apart of this now.I want to pull myself out of this.I'm in too deep now, It's too late. No falling back for me.

_You seek up an emotion  
And our cup is overflowing  
You seek up an emotion,  
Sometimes your well is dry  
You seek up a big monster  
For him to fight your wars for you  
_

The song ends, and I hear a knock on my door. I don;t bother saying come in , because whoever it is in this house will barge in anyway. I lay still on my bed for a moment longer. Pietro enters, and he's looking worried. I already know my fate.

"Lance.."

"Yea.." I answer.

"Magneto wants to see you."


End file.
